Resentment and Revenge

Series: Sermon on the Mount
June 27, 2021 - David Stockton

We’re going to talk about resentment today. Yeah. Resentment is where we’re going. We’re going through the Sermon on the Mount. We’ve talked about anger. We’ve talked about lust. We’ve talked about divorce. We’ve talked about deceit. And really how prevalent those are in our lives, even as believers in Christ, followers of Christ — and how those really are the things that Jesus wanted his guys, his followers to be paying attention to, even more so than other things that society might want to pay attention to.

So today we’re talking about resentment. We’re talking about what to do when you’ve been wronged. Resentment meaning bitter indignation at being treated unfairly. Have you ever had a breath or a sip of resentment? Have you ever had that moment where you feel bitter indignation at being treated unfairly? That’s resentment. And resentment is something that Jesus wanted to talk to his guys about.

Right now, in our current societal moment, cultural moment, it definitely seems like resentment has become the marketers’ tool of choice. It’s a powerful, powerful motivator. It’s a powerful, powerful unifier. If I can find other people that feel the same resentment, there’s an immediate, deep bond that I have with them. And, if that can be used to motivate me, it’s a very, very powerful motivator. It seems like in society, our political left, our political right, they’re using resentment.

Even racial relations in your life. You should probably go listen to two weeks ago, when we talked bout the deception thing. That might be a good little refresher for you. Then come back to this one.

But basically, we’ve just got to measure those kinds of resentment, bitterness, and see what Jesus would say to us in that space.

On a little bit more serious note, you know, this week we received the sentence of Derek Chauvin, the 22-1/2 years that he was sentenced for his part in the killing of Mr. Floyd. That stirs up a lot of different things in people’s hearts and minds. I read the response of his siblings and family. Interesting enough, they were pretty across the spectrum. Some feeling that this was a really great sign of justice, some feelings it was a great injustice. I haven’t heard anything from the Chauvin family and what their take on all of this was. But you can understand, there are real, real situations in society that are very, very, very troubling and hard and difficult. 

I spoke on the phone with a guy last week that I haven’t talked to in literally twenty-two years. And we spoke for an hour and forty-five minutes as he shared to me all of the pain and the resentment and all of that that’s been in his life over the last twenty-two years, because his marriage of twenty-two years just ended. He wasn’t at all trying to say that he wasn’t at fault. He was just unloading years and years and years and years of pain from the marriage that he had had and no longer has. 

And there’s just tons of realities in life. We’re always finding ourselves in situations where resentment has a chance to prosper and grow.

And today we’re going to hear from Jesus, what he prescribes when we find ourselves hurt by evil or by an evil person. Matthew chapter 5. 

38 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’

Jesus, again, is on the side of a hill in first century Israel, outside of Jerusalem by the Sea of Galilee with a number of people who had been gathered to him. He’s talking to them about the Torah, he’s talking to them about the Levitical law. And sure enough, if you read Leviticus, Deuteronomy, oftentimes you come across this idea of God telling the people that the way that they’re supposed to judge situations is eye for eye and tooth for tooth. It was actually a good law that God had given his people to help govern them.

It didn’t mean that, if somebody comes and like, you know, cuts my leg off, I’m supposed to go cut their leg off. If somebody cuts my leg off, we’re supposed to go to the judge. And the judge, who has the authority, would decide between the two, what was the right recompense, or right judgement in that situation. 

And so this is what Jesus is saying. It was a good thing. It was something God gave to his people to kind of give them a little bit of fear in the way that they would act toward one another. It gave them a little bit of pause before they would do something to hurt someone, knowing that the law of the land was that if they did that to someone, it could be done to them.

But the people, like always, they were manipulating and twisting it in a way that God didn’t intend. So Jesus was trying to get it back on track. And so he said: 

39 But I tell you…

What God was trying to produce and create in society by that law.. was that you would not…

…resist an evil person. 

I hate this verse. I don’t know if you’re allowed to hate Bible verses, but if you are, I hate this verse. And so I dug in to the Greek and commentaries, and all the people who have done ethics writings and all, just, okay, what is this really saying? And their words, those who did it with nuance and clever thinking and spinning, they were able to kind of really make this say something that is much more palatable. 

But then there were a lot of others that were basically like, “No. It just sucks. It’s just a really hard, hard, hard thing that Jesus was teaching his followers. That you are not to resist an evil person. That translation is actually pretty good. It’s pointing us in the right direction. And when you know Jesus, he said audacious things, right? He was a shocker. And it seems very inline with Jesus, that he would say it just like it sounds as I’m reading it. “Do not resist an evil person.” 

And Jesus didn’t say this because he’s foolish or he’s trying to wax eloquent. He was saying this because he really believes this is the best way. This is what will cause the kingdom of heaven to show up in your life and in your society. This is the most powerful thing you can do. This is not passivism, where you’re just supposed to lay down and die. This is some sort of passivism where you are pacifying the evil. You are actually not resisting them, but pacifying them with your righteousness.

And it’s a challenging thing for us, and we’re not first century Jewish people living by the Sea of Galilee, who actually, every single day of their life, experienced completely unfair treatment. They were in absolute bondage, hard, rough, oppressive bondage to the Romans in their own homeland. They were considered less than the Romans, less than human. They were taxed to where they could basically make no real progress in their life. They were hated, they were despised and, even within their Jewish community, they were bottom of the barrel. Fishermen and shepherds. Tax collectors. They were hated and despised because of what they did and where they were raised. And they knew the sting. They knew that bitter indignation at being treated unfairly. That’s all they had ever really known in their life. And now Jesus is saying, “Don’t resist an evil person.” And then he goes on to say…

If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. 40 And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. 41 If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. 

Now, this is actually speaking specifically to a Roman law, where the Romans were able to say at any time, “Hey, boy, come carry this for me.” Or, “Hey, I want you to go with me so you can take this thing back for me,” and if you don’t do it, there are actual legal ramifications for you and your household. 

So Jesus is saying, “If they come to you and say, ‘Hey, I want you to carry this thing a mile,’” he’s saying, “I want you to go a little bit farther, at least far enough to where they’ll notice it. And then the last one:

 42 Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.

Now, again, this is in reference to the evil person. All of this is in reference to the evil person. This isn’t, “Hey, if there’s somebody that’s really cool and you like them a lot and they ask you to borrow something, be like, 'Hey, what’s up man…” He’s saying if that same evil person comes to you and says, “Hey, could I borrow something,” you give it to them.

Now, just like we’ve been talking about with anger, lust, divorce, all these things. Super heavy. Super intense. Super challenging. But Matthew 7:28, which is the verse that just comes after the Sermon on the Mount, it says that all the people who heard the words of Jesus were amazed. And they were amazed because he spoke as one having authority, unlike the Pharisees. 

And what they were meaning by that was, after the heard the words of Jesus, after these heavy, challenging, no way, impossible words of Jesus, they didn’t feel pushed away by Jesus. Instead, the sound of his voice, the look in his eyes, whatever it was, he brought this message across to where they though Jesus really could get them to this place. They were basically hearing from Jesus, “Hey, if you take my hand, and if you stick with me long enough, this is what’s going to show up in your life.”And they believed him. 

And sure enough, those disciples that followed him, we get to follow their stories, and that’s where they ended up. And the message for us, as you hear this, it’s not, “Oh, man, this is impossible. No way. I’m out. Forget this. Jesus can never…” It’s if you will stick with Jesus, not strive in your own strength or read a bunch of self-help books on resentment, but if you will literally take Jesus’ hand and walk with him and let his words abide in you and his Spirit abide in you, you will find this being the fruit that ultimately comes out of your life. This will be the heart that beats inside of you, as we follow him.

This is very heavy. It’s very intense. We’re more familiar with revenge, retaliation, recompense, retribution — these are kind of the prescriptions that are being offered in our day. Although those things have a place and all of that, it doesn’t seem to be the thing that Jesus is prescribing. 

We also have this natural thing built in to us, literally, biologically, the fight or flight. So when we’re hit with this trauma, when we’re hit by these hard things, when evil shows up and hurts us, we have these responses. Some are fight and some are flight. Some of you are fight people. It doesn’t matter what happens, you’re just like, “Aww” and you want to tear someone apart. You want to come at them. And you’re kind of going, “Heh.” And the people next to you are going, “Heh, heh.” Because they know it. And it’s intense. And it’s a reaction. And I get it. It’s something that’s there. It’s biological. 

But then, for other people, there’s this flight thing, where, basically, when this stuff happens you just want to run. You want to hide. You want to hide. You want to medicate. You want to substance abuse. You want to do all these things. You just want to stuff, stuff, stuff, and you’re like, “Oh, look, there’s a little part over there. Jam some more down there.” And you just stuff and you just stuff and you just stuff. And, honestly, you’re the most scary people. Because every once in a while you explode.

And Jesus is wanting to teach us another way. That fight or flight that’s there to serve you in those intense situations, but it’s not supposed to be the action that you live off and live on in to. He wants to teach us to forgive. Forgiveness is a huge part of this kingdom. It’s one of the biggest attributes or virtues in the life of a follower of Jesus: 
1) Receiving forgiveness from God and
2) Forgiving others as we have been forgiven. 

So how can we get there? Well, Jesus said it, so we should try and live into it. We should take his hand and allow him to lead us into it. But here’s biblically some other reasons why I think it’s so important for us to learn to walk in this way. 

The first one is that God has promised he will avenge. Now this sounds really weird for Christians. It’s funny — when we talk about the character of God and the nature of God and the name of God in Exodus 34, he’s abounding in love and faithfulness and merciful and kind and slow to anger and he sheds mercy and faithfulness to thousands of generations. But the very last line of that same whole thing is, “Yet, he will not leave the guilty unpunished.” 

It’s just so funny because we always sing about the nature of God, but that line is never in any of the worship songs I’ve ever heard. “Yeah, Lord, you’re so good and you will not leave the guilty unpunished.” Just one time I want a song that’s got that in there. And I’ll be like, “Yeah, now we are seriously worshiping God in Spirit and in truth.” Because that is a reality to our God. He does not make any bones about that. And, honestly, if you’ve been the one on the wrong side of evil, you really long for God to do something about it. You want someone to fight for you. And this is what God says in Deuteronomy 32:35:

It is mine to avenge; I will repay.
    In due time their foot will slip;
their day of disaster is near
    and their doom rushes upon them.

In Psalm 94:1

The Lord is a God who avenges.
    O God who avenges, shine forth.
2 Rise up, Judge of the earth;
    pay back to the proud what they deserve.

You can find countless scriptures about this. And just in case you think these are all Old Testament, Hebrews 10:30

“It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” and again, “The Lord will judge his people.” 

God will not leave the guilty unpunished, not even for a second, not even for a day, not even for a lifetime. He will always do what is right. He is the only one that can actually execute justice. He’s the only one that knows.

I love what Dallas Willard says:

Anger and condemnation, like vengeance, are safely left to God. We must beware of believing that it is okay for us to condemn as long as we are condemning the right things. It is not so simple as all that. I can trust Jesus to go into the temple and drive out those who were profiting from religion, beating them with a rope. I cannot trust myself to do so.

Any time we take matters into our own hands we’re basically pushing God aside and saying, “God, you don’t know what to do. You can’t be trusted.” And God wants you to know, consistently throughout the whole of scripture, that he takes these matters very seriously, and he will make things right. He is a God of vengeance, but always in the perfect way. Because he’s the only one that can see perfectly.

So we need to let go. We need to release. We need to trust God with all of these things, because he’s the only one that can truly handle them correctly.

The second reason why we should try and live into this and trust God in this way is you will gain a blessing. We’re Christians. We love the blessing. “Oh bless this. Bless you, child.” We’re just all about the blessing. We’ve got songs called The Blessing. We just sing them over and over and they never end. We just keep singing it and singing it and singing it. Just blessings all over. Bless you and bless them and bless everybody. And it’s awesome. It’s good. Because there is a lot of blessing in following God.

In 1 Peter 3:9 it says: 

9 Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult…

Ugh. I’d have to just erase my whole junior high years right there. Didn’t do a great job of that. And some of you need to go close your accounts online right now.

…On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.

Literally, Peter is writing to encourage the people he loves and cares for who are going through great persecution — loss of life persecution. He says to them, “Repay evil with blessing.” Just like Jesus said, “Because to this you were called as a follower of Christ and you will inherit a blessing.”

So what is the blessing? Psalm 37:5-6

5 Commit your way to the Lord;
    trust in him and he will do this:
6  He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
    your vindication like the noonday sun.

I forget which prophet it is, but he writes and says, “I will be patient as the Lord punishes me for the wrongs I’ve done against him. Because after that he’ll take my cause and he’ll bring me to light and to justice for all I have suffered.” 

The blessing that God promises is that there will be. Day when everything will be revealed and your righteousness will shine forth if you walk in this way, and your vindication like the noonday sun. You will get to stand in that day and you will be honored and you will receive all that God has for you if you walk in this way. You will gain a blessing. 

And then, the third reason, so God will avenge so you can give it to him and trust him. Then you’ll gain a blessing, because we all want a blessing, and at the last thing, and I think it’s the most important, is that you’ll put God’s glory on display. 

Matthew 5:14-16

14 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

This is what he says as an intro to set up his teachings on anger, lust, divorce and now vengeance. He’s saying, basically, If you’ll walk in this way, it will be like this light that shines in society. And it’s true that some people hate the light. But it’s also true that there are some people who are getting sick of the darkness, and when they turn and they see the light, they long for it, and they run to it, and they’re saved.

We have a story about that with Paul, right? Paul and Silas were in prison, totally treated unfairly, unjustly, and an earthquake comes and shakes everything up. And all the shackles are off. They’re set free. The doors are open and they’re just hanging out and they just keep singing. And the jailer comes in, the very one who put them in those bondages and whatever else he did to them. And he’s just about to kill himself, and Paul’s like, “Hey, man! We’re all just hanging out. What are you doing? Why you getting so serious over there, all emo?”

And the guy looks over and he’s like, “What’s going on?” And he says, “We’re just praising the Lord and we think he’s with us and he could be with you, too.” And they bless him and the guy ends up saying, “What can I do to be saved?” They pray for him and he and his whole family get saved. He was tired of the darkness and when he saw this light it was like, “This seems very different. What is this?” And as they explained it to him, he was able to receive it and the light came. 

Then John 21:18-19, Jesus is talking to Peter after the resurrection. Peter’s asking him some questions about what’s coming and he says: 

18 Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” 19 Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, “Follow me!”

Basically Jesus was saying, “Hey, Peter, it’s going to be tough, man. You’re going to go through a lot of injustice, even to the point of being killed. But Peter, you need to know that, if you can bless and not curse, if you can walk in this way that I’m teaching you, this way that I’m walking and have walked, then your life is going to glorify God.”

Now, we need to understand what that means. For us, when he said, “Hey, your life can glorify God,” I don’t know how that hits you. But the way it’s supposed to hit you is as the most important thing you could ever do with every part of your life. The very fact that you have a beat in your heart or a breath in your lungs, the very fact that you have any resource at all, mentally, physically, everything that you have has one purpose in mind. It has been given to you so you can glorify God. That’s the whole thing. That’s why you exist and move and have your being. 

And Jesus is saying to Peter, “Look, Peter, you will achieve the end to which you have been created if you’ll walk in this way. You’ll continue to release that resentment, that bitterness and continue to bless and not resist the evil person. Your life will glorify God.”

And, sure enough, we’re still talking about Peter all these days later because his life glorified God. And his words have authority because of that. And at the promise that we have is if we will walk in these ways, if we will release these things to God and bless instead of curse, then our lives will glorify God in a significant way. 

We have got to get to a place where we understand that our lives are not about our gratification. That is a lie from the devil that has taken root in America and in the American church. Your gratification is not what God is most interested in. It shouldn’t be what you are most interested in. What God is most interested in is your life bringing his glorification. And that’s where our lives need to get to, where we understand that glorifying God is the ultimate. It is the highest achievement, the greatest gift. It is the blessing.

On this side of eternity, I know it’s hard for us to really grasp and understand — but I know on the other side of death we’re going to get it immediately. Everything we did to glorify God will be all that matters in that economy. So we’ve got to make this shift. If we do this, we will glorify God in heaven. There can be no greater thing at all. 

So those are some reasons why we should do this. I know this is a complicated ethical issue, so I have some rules of thumb. Like how do we decide when we’re supposed to resist or fight, or what are we supposed to do. The great theologian, Mike Phifer, who’s my brother-in-law, we were debating this when we were young and trying to solve all the world’s problems. And yet, what he said has stuck with me. Because we’re looking at Jesus’ life and he never fought, but then there’s got to be some time we’re supposed to fight. So this is just helpful. This is not gospel, it’s not in the Bible. This will just help you. He said, “It’s only right to fight as long as it’s not for yourself.” So as a rule of thumb, a little helpful guide. 

Dietrich Bonhoeffer, he got to a place as an ethicist, as a pacifist originally, someone who had a brilliant mind, he determined the best thing he could do to serve God was to try and assassinate Hitler. 

I read Dallas Willard’s quote, basically “I can trust Jesus to go into the temple and drive out those who were profiting from religion, beating them with a rope. I cannot trust myself to do so.”  We’ve got to let him do it.

Instead of trying to really solve all those problems, and if you do have any kind of challenge or any kind of thing to process together, you can email me at BrittanyStockton@livingstreams.org/ Just kidding, David@livingstreams.org. Because I’m trying to learn and process all this as well. But the best way to get what Jesus intended when he said these words I think is to just look at the example of his life. 

So we’re just going to take a moment now and do that. When Jesus was hit on the cheek, literally, when Pilate ordered him to be beaten in hopes that he might confess some sort of sin that he could punish him for, he sent him off with the soldiers, and in one account of the gospels they just took their fists and started punching him in the face and they actually ripped out his beard. In another account they took sticks and put a bag over his head and started hitting him in the face with these sticks, beating him, saying, “Hey, you’re a prophet. Why don’t you tell us which one hit you?”

And in the face of that, Jesus responded with, “Father, forgive them. They don’t know what they’re doing.”

And then the very next example he gives us, “If someone wants your shirt, give them your cloak.” And there Jesus was, dying on the cross and they had stripped him naked. The only thing we know happening with his clothes at that point is that there were soldiers at the bottom of the cross and they were casting lots to see who could get his cloak. And Jesus looked down on them and said, “Father, forgive them. They don’t know what they’re doing.”

Then, instead of walking a mile or two miles like the Romans said, he was told to carry his own cross beam. And he didn’t just carry it a little way, he carried it until he literally couldn’t carry it anymore and he collapsed under the weight. And his response to them was, “Father, forgive them. They don’t know what they’re doing.” 

Then, as he stood there on that cross, and he was weighed down by the sins of all of humanity, the sins of those there who were crucifying him, the sins of those who weren’t there, you and I, our sin was put upon him in that moment. The wrath of God was poured out on him that should have been ours. And we will never know how much it cost. We will never know the full extent of what Jesus went through on that cross. It was way more than the physical pain. And he did that because of us. Yet, we are told by him, “If you come to me and you confess your sins, I will be faithful and just to forgive your sins.”

We who have no right to even come to him and say, “Hey, will you forgive us,” because we were the ones who actually did the injury. Yet, when we come, he says that he forgives us freely and completely and justifies us as if we never sinned before. He sends our sins as far as the east is from the west. And he forgives us not just past but present as well as future. So generous and kind. This is what Jesus did in the face of evil. This is what he’s asking his followers to trust him and to take his hand and to walk into.

Let’s pray. If you want to grab the communion cup, we’ll make this part of our prayer time.

When Jesus taught his disciples to pray, he taught them to ask the Father to forgive them for their sins, but also to do that as they are forgiving those who have sinned against them. So somehow in this communion there’s a combination that’s supposed to happen. One is we  receive forgiveness for our sin, but in the same breath, the same moment we then release forgiveness for those who have sinned against us, whatever it might be. To kind of get our minds around that, there’s this guy, Voddie Baucham, Jr. who’s been teaching me some things. In regards to forgiveness, he says:

If we refuse to forgive, we have stepped into dangerous waters. First, refusing to forgive is to put ourselves in the place of God, as though vengeance were our prerogative, not his. Second, unforgiveness says God’s wrath is insufficient. For the unbeliever, we are saying that an eternity in hell is not enough; they need our slap in the face or cold shoulder to “even the scales” of justice. For the believer, we are saying that Christ’s humiliation and death are not enough. In other words, we shake our fists at God and say, “Your standards may have been satisfied, but my standard is higher!” Finally, refusing to forgive is the highest form of arrogance. Here we stand forgiven, and as we bask in the forgiveness of a perfectly holy and righteous God, we turn to our brother and say, “My sins are forgivable, but yours are not.” In other words, we act as though the sins of others are too significant to forgive while simultaneously believing that ours are not significant enough to matter.” 

– Voddie Baucham from Joseph and the Gospel of Many Colors; Reading an Old Story in a New Way

And Jesus, we are so sorry for the way we have treated your forgiveness, that we have accepted it and not extend it. We are so thankful that you came when we were rejecting you. You came when we wanted nothing to do with you. And you gave yourself freely and allowed your body to be broken so we could be made whole. And, Jesus, we receive that right now. Fill us with your forgiveness, Jesus. And Jesus, we thank you for your blood that was shed to wash away all of our sins, past present and future. We pray that, as we receive your forgiveness once again, we would really be able to release forgiveness to those who have hurt us. We can’t do it without you. But with you all things are possible.

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Father's Day

June 20, 2021 - Brittany Stockton

This is weird for me, because usually I teach third through fifth graders and they are neither quiet nor respectful up there. So the fact that you guys listen just freaks me out a little bit. So, to make me more comfortable, if anyone wants to act up and I can throw you out of here,  it would be really good for me. And I don’t have my candy bucket. That’s, like, how I get kids to do anything.

Okay. So I made the mistake long ago of telling my husband that, I mean, he’s asked me multiple times to speak on a Sunday. I hate it. So I’ve always said no. But I made the mistake of telling him the only time I would ever speak is on Father’s Day. He remembered and now I’m regretting my life decisions. 

But there are two reasons for that. The first is, I have kind of lived in two worlds when it comes to a father. For the first I would say nine or ten years of my life I had a really good dad. I idolized him. I feel like kids when they’re little they just think their dads are the greatest thing. So for those ten years I really did idolize my dad. I just thought he was amazing. And he was everything that I needed in a dad. He was really funny. He has a really sarcastic, witty sense of humor that I loved. He was a history teacher, so he knew everything about everything. 

We would take these longs trips across the country and we would stop at every historical monument possible. As a kid, I hated it. Now as an adult I think that’s so cool. I walked around Martin Luther King Jr.’s house. We walked the street where JFK was shot. It was really fun. 

And my dad was also raised Jewish. He was bar mitzvahed and it wasn’t until later in life that he became a Christian. So he developed all these really good arguments for why he was a Christian. For my walk and my faith, that was really important for me. So he was just this perfect dad.

Then, without getting into too much of the minutiae or the details of what happened, by the time I was fourteen my dad was gone. And I mean gone gone. He didn’t fight for custody of us. He was not in my life. And for the last twenty years I have lived without a father. And so I recognize how important dads are, because I’ve had the fullness of that and then I’ve had the complete lack of that. 

So today I want to do a couple f things. First I want to just dispel some of the lies about fatherhood that I feel are propagated by our American culture. And two, I just want to encourage you dads. 

So I want to start by reading from Genesis. You can open if you want, but I’ll just read through it. It’s Genesis 27 and this is a story of Isaac. He had two sons, Jacob and Esau. Jacob was a deceiver, right? He stole his brother’s birthright — well really he didn’t steal it, his brother was kind of dumb about it — but he took his brother’s birthright and he stole his brother’s blessing. 

The birthright was really the inheritance. The first son was given a double portion. So if a father had three sons, they would divvy everything out by four and the first son would get the birthright, which was that double portion of the inheritance. 

The blessing was really a spoken word. It was very prophetic. It had a lot of weight. It provided a scaffolding for the child’s life from that point on. So I’m going to pick up in the story right after Jacob had come in and stolen Isaac’s blessing.

30 After Isaac finished blessing him, and Jacob had scarcely left his father’s presence, his brother Esau came in from hunting. 31 He too prepared some tasty food and brought it to his father. Then he said to him, “My father, please sit up and eat some of my game, so that you may give me your blessing.”

32 His father Isaac asked him, “Who are you?”

“I am your son,” he answered, “your firstborn, Esau.”

33 Isaac trembled violently and said, “Who was it, then, that hunted game and brought it to me? I ate it just before you came and I blessed him—and indeed he will be blessed!”

34 When Esau heard his father’s words, he burst out with a loud and bitter cry and said to his father, “Bless me—me too, my father!”

35 But he said, “Your brother came deceitfully and took your blessing.”

36 Esau said, “Isn’t he rightly named Jacob[a]? This is the second time he has taken advantage of me: He took my birthright, and now he’s taken my blessing!” Then he asked, “Haven’t you reserved any blessing for me?”

37 Isaac answered Esau, “I have made him lord over you and have made all his relatives his servants, and I have sustained him with grain and new wine. So what can I possibly do for you, my son?”

38 Esau said to his father, “Do you have only one blessing, my father? Bless me too, my father!” Then Esau wept aloud.

There’s lots of things that we can unpack from that. This is a pretty heartbreaking story. But I want to focus on the one thing and that is that Esau really understood the power of a father’s words. He understood that there is weight and there is substance to what a father could give him. I feel like a little bit in our society we’ve forgotten how important fathers are. 

So today I want to talk about three lies that I feel like have kind of infiltrated themselves into our society. Then I want to encourage you dads.

The first lie is, dads, that you might hear, is that you’re not important. You can take my word for it or I just found some articles from major publications in the United States and I’ll just read their titles. 

The Atlantic Magazine just had an article that said, “Are Fathers Necessary? A Paternal Contribution May Not be as Essential as We Think”

The New York Times held a discussion panel called “What Are Fathers For?” Where Hannah Rosen, one of their contributors said, “I’m not sure whether a child needs a father.”

The Huff Post just wrote an article simply stated “Fathers Are Not Needed.”

So that is something I think is being told to fathers over and over again. And I’m here to tell you as a daughter of a father who left, it’s a lie. It is a lie. Dads, you are so important. You are so important.

I’m going to read some statistics because I’m kind of nerdy and I love statistics. You guys have probably heard things like this before. I’ve heard them a bunch of times, but every time I hear them, I’m shocked by them. These are just statistics of kids growing up without fathers. And just so you know, the United States just topped the world in our fatherless rate. We are number one.

85% of youth who are currently in prison grew up in a fatherless home. 85%

71% of all high school dropouts come from a fatherless home

Teen girls from fatherless homes are 4 times more likely to become teen moms. 

63% of youth suicides — 63%!  — are kids from fatherless homes

75% of adolescent patients treated in substance abuse centers are from fatherless homes

90% of the youth in the United States who run away or become homeless for any reason originally came from a fatherless home

Children who live in fatherless homes are 279% more likely to deal drugs or carry firearms for offensive purposes

85% of all children who show behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes

So, while our society writes articles stating fathers are not needed, the statistics show otherwise. Dads, we need you. We need you in the home. You are so, so important.

Lie number two is dads, you are not necessary. This sounds like the first, so let me dissect this a little bit. Also, my hope is not to offend anyone in what I’m about to say. Just hear me out. If you are offended, you can leave a comment at david@livingstreams.org and just let me know. 

But dads are not necessary. I feel like this is very rooted in the feminist movement. Now, understand, I’m a woman. I am raising three daughters. I am very, very, very pro woman. But there is something that happened in the third wave of the feminist movement. The first wave I’m all about. I would have been there marching in the streets. The second wave got a little iffy for me. The third wave I feel is very destructive. 

Here’s what it does. It tells women that we can take over the role of any man anywhere, including a father. That we can provide everything that a father would provide. And it tells men, hey, what you bring to the table is not only not necessary, but is actually offensive and oppressive. We tell men that their strength is offensive. We tell them that their masculinity is oppressive. If they open a door for us, that’s offensive. If they don’t open a door, that’s also offensive. Right? We’ve trapped them and we’ve told them, “We don’t need you. We can play that role, too.” But that’s also a lie.

I grew up without a dad. My mom provided everything that she could. She was a great mom. But she couldn’t provide everything. Dads, you are necessary, because what you bring to the table is very different from what a mom brings to the table. And that’s important. That’s why God did it, right?

They did a study in Boston Children’s hospital. They took these 8-week old babies and they hooked them up to all these wires (because Americans are crazy and we do this kind of stuff to children). But they put it so they could monitor their brain activity and their heart rate, and then they put them in a room. They were monitoring in there and they brought Mom in the room. As they monitored, the heart rate went down. The brain activity went down. The hands and feet stopped moving. The eyes got a little droopy. Because moms have this amazing ability to nurture their child, to calm their child. It’s a beautiful thing. 

Now, they did the same thing, hooked the baby up, monitoring in there. They brought the dad in. The exact opposite happened. The brain activity went up, the heart rate went up, the hands started moving, right? The eyes got really wide. Because dads bring something very different.

When I come home from work, my daughters just crowd around me. I’ll be cooking dinner, they’re talking, sitting not he counter. We’re just like engaging that way.

When my husband comes home from work, he walks through the door and my girls are like, “Dad, let’s go play soccer! Let’s go do this!”

And I remember when they were little I always dressed them in these onesy pajamas because I’m like the world’s laziest mom. They never got out of those. (Actually, my daughter’s wearing pajama’s today. It’s just a thing.) But my husband would walk through the door, and he would grab them by the collar of that thing and he would lift them up into the air and they would be like so excited, flailing around, and then he would just throw them onto a couch, or throw them onto a bed. I was like, “What is happening?” Right?

Or they do this thing, wrestling on the bed. The girls always want to do it. I do not know why, because there are like twenty near-death experiences every time. When they start doing that, I go to Target because I know it’s going to end in crying. I know it. 

But dads have this amazing thing that they bring. It’s just natural. He’s not trying. But when I walk in the room, my first thought isn’t, “I’m going to lift my daughter up by the collar and flail her in the air.” But it’s his first thought. Right? Dads are very different. You guys bring something so different and so necessary. So you are very important. We need you because you can anchor us the way a mom can’t. You bring things that a mom can’t and you are necessary because what you give us, your strength, your protection, your masculinity — those are very important to your children.

All right. Let’s move to the third lie. So I know that when you look at that, when you see how important your presence is and you see how necessary your presence is, it might feel very daunting. It might feel very overwhelming. “How could I possibly fill this role?” Right? It’s so significant in your kid’s life. And I know you might have moments, and I know with my dad, just hearing his story, there were moments like that. He got too scared of how big this role was that he ran away from it. 

But I’m going to let you in on a little secret here today. Kids are not expecting you to do some big, grand thing. When the Bible talks about these fathers giving their blessing, it wasn’t some huge ordeal. And I was reading — Gary Smalley writes a lot of books on marriage and family. I think he did the Love Languages. But he was writing this book on fatherhood and he did tons of interviews before this. And he interviewed all these kids and he just asked them, “When was it, what specifically do you remember, what was the moment that you said, ‘I have received my father’s blessing’?” And I just want to read some of the responses.

One boy said, “My father would let me practice pitching to him for a long time when he got home from work.” That was the moment he realized he had his father’s blessing.

“I wrecked my parents’ car and my father’s first reaction was to hug me and let me cry instead of yelling at me.” I know what his second reaction was, though. But his first reaction was a hug. That was the moment that kid realized they had their father’s blessing, that very substantial thing.

One kid said, “When I was thirteen my dad trusted me to use his favorite hunting rifle.”

And one more, “My father would put his arm around me in church and let me lay his head on his shoulder.”

And here’s the thing. It  may seem daunting, but your kids are just looking for these consistent, small things. You do not know the moment that that blessing is being transferred from you to your child. It could be when you’re throwing them on the bed, right? It could be when you’re holding their hand and you walk across the street. It could be when you teach them to drive. It doesn’t have to be something big and grand. Your kids just want you to show up in little ways. They’re not expecting perfection. They know you’re not perfect. I idolized my dad for ten years. I knew he wasn’t perfect. They just want you to be there in small, little ways. Put your arm them. Hold their hand. It doesn’t have to be a big thing.

I don’t feel like I received my father’s blessing. He left before I really felt like that. But I was trying to remember the moment I felt the most loved by my dad. I was in my room and I had like a thousand stuffed animals. He was in there and he was just piling them on top of me. Then I’d pop out. And then I’d lie back down and then he piled them on top of me again and I’d pop back up. It was like the dumbest game in the world but I felt so loved by my dad. It was such a small thing, but it wasn’t a small thing to me. It was a huge thing. And in all those ten years, that’s the one moment I pull out and say, “That was when I felt loved by my dad.”

So dads, please know, it doesn’t have to be anything huge. It doesn’t have to be anything grand. We just want it to be consistent. That’s it. 

I want to read a couple of things in closing. I’m not really a good closer because, honestly, by the time I’m done teaching up there, the kids are not listening anymore. Right? I never have to close because I feel like sometimes they’ll look up at me and they will be shocked that I’m still teaching. Right? They’ll be doing their thing and they’re like, “What? She’s still up there? What is happening?” So I’ve never been a good closer because I’ve never had to be.

But I want to read through a couple of things just to some groups. Because Father’s Day, while I want to encourage you dads, because I think dads are just so important, I also know Father’s Day can be pretty heavy and pretty hard. So I want to read a few things just directed at a few groups that maybe you find yourself in here on Father’s Day.

The first one is to dads. Oh my gosh. I’m going to cry. I hate this so much. Dads, you are essential workers. I want to say it again. You are important. You are necessary. And we need you to be just consistently show up in small ways. When I was looking for a bible story about a good dad, I honestly struggled to find one. I do believe there is something uniquely hard about fatherhood. And while that’s not an excuse, let it serve as an encouragement for you to get the help you need to do this well, because it’s crucial. Please find a counselor or a good friend or a life group. Get plugged in and stay plugged in because your kids really do need you. That pain of having a father leave, it will never leave me. So please, please stay. Please do what you have to do to stay. 

To single moms. You are our Deborahs. You stepped up when it was necessary. I was raised by a single mother and she did an incredible job. So you can do it. You can do this. That’s my simple encouragement to single moms. You can do it. His grace is so sufficient. And while there is still pain, my mom raised four pretty well-adjusted children, okay? 

To fathers with no father. You are the dam builders. You are a powerful force working to change the flow and it’s no easy task. It would be simple to be swept away by what took your father and maybe fathers in your family line for generations, but I’m begging you not to stop the work. What you’re doing is not only good, it is necessary. It’s the hard work and I am and we are all grateful for you.

To those walking without the blessing of their father. You are not fatherless. I’ve walked in your shoes almost all of my life. Trust me when I say I know the pain. I’ve been there. I know the insecurity that comes with that kind of rejection. I know the heartache of not being able to ask for advice or simply have a shoulder to rest your head on. But I also know how good of a Father I have. I am not fatherless. And neither are you.

To fathers who have withheld the blessing. You’re late. But you’re not too late. I would take my father’s blessing today if that were possible. I don’t quite understand how all of this works, but there is a deep ache that comes with having to live without your father’s approval, without his words of life and without his impact. So, if it’s right, give the blessing. It’s not too late.

And to all the men in the room who are not fathers, maybe not yet, or maybe you’ll never be fathers. You are the pinch hitters. You are the sixth men. The closers. We need you. I had men step into my life in different areas. Coaches, youth leaders, husband. And it changed everything for me. You really can step into that role and love a kid who doesn’t have a father. And while you’re not going to save them from all the pain, you can make a huge, huge difference. 

I’m going to pray really quick and then I think someone’s going to sing a song or something. All right.

God, I just thank you so much that you are a good Father. Ultimately we have you and I’m so grateful for that. But God, today I want to pray for all the fathers in the room. I pray that they would understand how important they are. I pray for everyone who knows a good father in the room. I pray that we would be their cheer leaders, that we would constantly be supporting them; because without fathers, our society really does fail. So God, just encourage them today. Just bless them in this pursuit, this journey of fatherhood. Thank you that they don’t have to be perfect. But help them keep showing up. Amen.

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