Who Am I?

by Veronica Morrison, Pastor of Women’s Ministry

Surrender your anxiety! Be silent and stop your striving and you will see that I am God. I am the God above all the nations, and I will be exalted throughout the whole earth. – Psalm 46:10 (TPT)

I was talking with a friend yesterday who had been looking forward to her graduation from ASU this May. We were processing together the disappointment and all the emotions that have come up in light of the pandemic, and the loss of her hopes and dreams with graduation. The big question that has come up for her, myself, and many others during this time is “If I am not what I do, then who am I?”

You may be feeling like me—more aware than ever before how I have let my everyday tasks define me. It was never my intention to do so, but somehow I let my hectic life become a part of the definition of who I am.

Who am I? Well, who was I? A few weeks ago I was a busy person who was constantly moving from one task to the other so that, at the end of the day, I could feel like I had value. But now all that is gone. I am left with myself. 

This forced stillness has been quite revealing. A good example of what has been revealed to me is actually seen in my reflection of my own children. Observing my children I have discovered that kids with nothing to do are actually quite amazing. At first, they are whiny and, well, frankly, annoying. But give them enough time with their boredom and something incredible happens. They turn a corner and become deeply themselves. It’s so fun to watch. They start to become silly and creative. They become fascinated with the things around them. They look at the clouds and make up stories, and play games with one another, and laugh until they cry or pee their pants. Few things give me greater joy then watching my kids be fully themselves. 

I think that is probably how the Lord is looking at all of us during this season. We may have complained a little bit at first. We may even have been a little whiny and annoying. But after a while we start to become our authentic selves. We started enjoying God’s creation, being present with our families and friends, laughing and delighting in things we forgot give us joy. 

There is so much loss in this time. And I am so grieved by all the suffering. But our God always makes beauty from ashes. And some of the beauty in this might be us becoming fully alive as we stop defining ourselves by our to-do lists. As we slow down and become more ourselves, we allow our very beings to be a blessing to our Heavenly Father. God takes joy in watching us take notice of Him and the beauty around us. 

I pray that, when this crisis passes, we won’t go back and get caught again in the net of striving. That we will rely on the peace of God. That we will take joy in Him and the goodness He surrounds us with. That we really would allow Him to be exalted in our lives and in the world.