Reflecting on a Season of Prayer and Fasting

Last night was the last of our three January prayer nights. It was also the last of three Wednesdays of fasting.

I am amazed, and a little sad, at how affected I can be by missing just two meals in one day—especially when I realize that much of the world lives on only one meal every day. (I think we Americans really should be more cognizant of our consumption.)

Last night’s prayer time was committed to contemplative prayer. The theme was “union.” There was a little worship music, a short teaching on union with Jesus, and then we all headed to the gym. In the gym were twenty or more stations set up for guided prayer. All 150 of us were asked to pray in silence at each station. Though the gym was silent, it felt very alive. 

Looking back, I doubt there has ever been such an eclectic collection of prayer nights at one church. The first night was a night of introspective prayer with a focus on conviction, repentance, deliverance, and forgiveness. I appreciated that because that’s how Jesus taught His disciples to pray. And, as I just described, the third prayer night was a time of contemplative prayer focusing on God’s goodness. I recently heard prayer defined as “relaxing into the goodness of God.” (R. Wollheiser), and that is what I (and many others) was able to do. 

For some reason, I find myself still processing the second prayer night. I left the meeting with mixed feelings. On one hand, it was an honor to witness so many people being courageous in their prayers for healing. And, on the other hand, it was heavy to see so many hurting among us, both physically and psychologically. On one hand, it was amazing to know that God actually healed a few people. (I was able to process it with one of them. The healing was valid, fascinating, and beautiful.) But on the other hand, fifty or more people who had stood and asked the Lord for healing did not receive it. Those people had to process some, “what, why, and how” questions that don’t come with easy answers. 

My “pastor heart” was torn between the joy of God demonstrating His love and power by healing a few, and the distress over all those who potentially walked away feeling an increase of confusion and doubt.

This season of fasting and prayer has taught me that praying requires honesty, penitence, courage, persistence and trust. I also learned that we have not prayed long enough until we find ourselves at ease because of the magnitude of God’s goodness—His goodness that is revealed in healing, or in the gift of sufficient grace.

Praying for Jesus to teach us to pray,

David